My kids’ grandfather, my father-in-law, passed away last week.  He was diagnosed with prostate cancer about a year and a half ago.  Thanks to the VA cutting corners with the tests they were supposed to be doing, the cancer was already in Stage 4 when they discovered it, and had already moved into his bones and throughout his body.  Had they actually been doing the tests they said they were, they would have caught it sooner and possibly been able to treat it more effectively. But that is not the point.

This is the first time my wife and I have had to explain death to our children on a personal level.  Only my oldest had ever been to a viewing before. His only question back then was whether the body in the casket was going to be a vampire or a zombie. Thanks, Buffy.  This time, he’s now 8, he understands what it means that Grandpa is dead and he has broken down into tears several times since finding out.

My 4-year-old never really cried, but seems to understand that Grandpa is in Heaven.  She became somber when we first told her, but we really focused on the fact that Grandpa was no longer sick or in pain and that we would see him again one day.  This has been enough for her, and I think she understands.

My 3-year-old never really gave any sign of misunderstanding.  She seemed to be in the same boat as my 4-year-old.  That was until we were at the grave site.  The services were all concluded and the family was hanging around talking, consoling each other and not wanting to leave.  My little girl was looking at the casket, and then turned to my wife and asked when Grandpa was coming out. My wife explained the situation again, and my sweet little girl truly became sad for the first time.

How do you explain death to children who don’t quite understand such concepts?  I am sure the next time we are at Grandma’s we will get the question of, “Where’s Grandpa?” Another question is, what will come first: their understanding of death or their forgetting what Grandpa was really like?