When your children hurt

Our first son was born premature.  He was not growing properly and the doctors believed it would be better for him to be born where he could get the nutrients he needed.

A week before he was born my wife went on bed rest, and we were supposed to count how many times he kicked in an hour.  We were basically doing this to make sure he was still alive.  About three weeks before his due date, the doctors performed an emergency c-section and he was rushed to intensive care where I watched them poke, prod and hook all kinds of sensors to his little four pound body. 

My son’s first day on earth was one of the scariest times of my life, and I began to wonder if I was strong enough to be a parent.  The thought of my little wonder being in pain or something happening to him was a thought I could not and still cannot bear.  Thankfully he recovered from this rough start and is a happy, healthy, four year old, but any time either of my boys experiences any type of pain, it makes me ask myself, “Can I do this?”

We have now entered into another realm of pain.  The emotional kind.  It seems to be worse than any physical pain.

This summer Seth made what would be his first true best friend, and they spent all summer together.  Lately, though, Seth’s new friend (we will call him Sam) hasn’t been very friendly.  This weekend we had the following conversation:

Me - Seth, are you ready for soccer season?
Seth - Am I going to be on Coach Gary’s team?
Me - No, he isn’t coaching this year but guess who is on your team! Sam!
Seth - Maybe Sam will be my friend since he’s on my team.
Me - Sam is your friend.
Seth - He doesn’t want to be my friend.  He doesn’t act friendly when I go to his church.  I think he doesn’t want me there.  He didn’t say so but that’s just what I think.

My heart broke listening to my little boy talk about how somebody may or may not like him.  I found myself dreading when the first girl breaks his heart or he loses someone close to him.  The physical pain is easier because the ramifications are clearer to see.  With emotional pain, you have no idea how it is really affecting him.

I again found myself asking “Can I do this?”

Each time I’ve posed that question, the answer is the same:  Yes, I can.  My son needs me. 

But the funny thing is that, while he does need me, it is not nearly as much as I need him, and I would give anything for him to never be hurt.