Time, romance and a dryer

I thought I’d take advantage of this forum where Dad’s are blogging about their many adventures (misadventures?) and addressing the highs and lows of parenting to answer a question and seek the input from others on this same issue.  I must confess to not being caught up on all my blog reading so that if I repeat what someone else has written on here, I apologize.

The question is, “What advice do you have for first time fathers?” As my wife and I are directors for a young married couples Sunday School class at our church, we have occasionally had the privelege of this type of discussion with several new parents.  Most of the class are newlyweds with the prospect of children way off in the distant future, but every once in a while one couple either decides to make the transition to parenthood or they make the transition without making a formal decision.  Either way, it often comes to my wife and I to provide some direction for them or to simply reveal a few secrets that should make their life easier or at least more fulfulling.

It’s always my privelege to reveal to the hesitant future fathers that “Fatherhood” is likely one of the most difficult jobs that they will ever face.  I say “likely” because, as a Mathematician, I can’t speak for firefighters rushing into burning buildings or police officers dealing with criminals day in and day out.  However, the job as a father is an enormous challenge and as with anything that is difficult but worth doing, it is as rewarding as it is demanding.

So here are a couple of tips I have in mind:

1.  Time:  There is an old saying that it’s not quantity but quality.  Wrong!  It’s both.  Our families need us as fathers.  They need us there as much as we can possibly be there.  It drives you to the edge of sanity in many cases but it is all worth it if we raise children who see their father as present and approachable.

2.  You’re still married:  With the new addition to the family, your attention will be divided.  The whole dynamic of the family changes.  You can’t just up and take your wife out at the drop of a hat.  Romance becomes a planned activity which makes it all the more difficult to incorporate.  But it must be incorporated.  Children will strain the relationship and so it is a necessity that there be time for you and your spouse to communicate, regroup, and rekindle the “chemistry” that brought the kid along in the first place.

3.  Dryer:  I learned early that a car ride has a magical effect on the screaming child.  But with gas prices skyrocketing, we found that for at least two of our kids, setting the child in a securely-fastened infant carrier on top of a running dryer most often simulated the car drive enough for them to go to sleep. Besides, sometimes you just don’t want to go out for a spin at 2:00 am. This secret came in handy dozens of times for us.

Commenters, throw out your suggestions as well.  As the parent of a 5, 3 and 1 year old, I am no expert and could probably still use some tips.