Parenting Never Ends
A friend of mine called me out of the blue last week (he lives in Canada and was in town on business) to ask what I was doing for lunch. Fortunately, I didn’t have any clients and was free. Lunch was good; the conversation much better.
My friend is one of the most involved fathers I know in the real world. No, that’s not true. He IS the most involved father I know in the real world. He is warm, loving, affectionate, and engaging with his two sons. He has a very good relationship with his wife. When he and I talk, I always get the feeling I’m getting a preview of what my life will be like in a few years. What he is dealing with today, is what I will be dealing with tomorrow. Want to know what I learned?
IT NEVER ENDS!
The trials and tribulations of parenting never end. He is still working on helping his children get their homework done different from the way he used to do it when he was a kid (Mr. Procrastinator, my friend is). He is still trying to help them be the best they can be. He is still struggling with the same sorts of challenges I am, just on a slightly bigger scale.
When I told him this, he told me about how his father still talks with him and his brother about parenting issues. Being a parent is a lifetime gig with constant adjustments throughout our lives.
You’re probably sitting there, reading this, thinking, “DUH! If this guy is so smart how did he not figure that out already?”
I actually asked myself the same thing (though not nearly as kindly as you did). You know what I realized?
I thought parenting ended because my parents stopped parenting.
We all have assumptions we picked up from our families and until I had that lunch with my friend, I had no idea that was one of my assumptions. Once I started going to school regularly, my parents pretty much stopped interacting with me. By the time I was in high school, they were done. Somehow I had picked up they had given up on parenting and I internalized that parenting stops when school really gets going. But it doesn’t.
Thank goodness I had that lunch with my friend and realized that now. Can you imagine the shock I would’ve had if I found out when they were in junior high?
What are some of the assumptions you have learned about parenting from your parents?
Join the fray. Read through the following comments and add to the discussion at the end.
July 31, 2006 at 8:46 am
I was sorry to hear your folks stopped parenting when they did. Those are some of the hardest years and even though we all rebelled at our parents at those ages the truth is that is when we needed them the most to be our strength and foundation.
All those commercials about being involved and speaking to your kids paid off in my house as a teenager. Sure we did our fair share of trouble but we avoided the pitfalls many kids fall into due to the communication we had even if it seemed one-sided at times.
On a lighter note: No matter how old I am, my mom will try to “suggest advice” which despite my knowing her good intentions drives me crazy. The trick is learning to accept that and let her have her say as not arguing back sets a better example when my own kids are around.