When you tell a child to “obey now” you’re giving him two choices: obedience or rebellion.  Much better to give at least two options.  This way the child gets to exercise some control and begins to learn the art of decision making.  And since you have been the one determining the choices available, you win no matter which one they choose.

“Obey now” doesn’t just give a child an opportunity to rebel; it is practically a guarantee that all but the most compliant child will become oppositional.

When did love and obedience become mutually exclusive? Sure, God loves us unconditionally, but if you believe 99% of the pastors out there, he’ll also smack us down whenever he feels we’re not paying attention to his will. But he still loves us.

I don’t like the counting thing either to be honest, but what I’ve notice it does, is give my children time to consider the repercussions of their inaction. If I tell them to do something right NOW, they may immediately say no out of emotion. But if, after telling them to do it NOW, I give them till three or else they get punished, 9/10 times they figure out what’s better for them in the long run.

True story,
Dad and his 3 kids are driving down a country road in his old Buick sedan enjoying a warm summer day. After a little while Dad smells something burning, then quickly figures out that it’s battery acid that he smells and the battery in these old cars is under the back seat, where the kids are sitting. He also knows that when you smell battery acid burning off, the battery is about to go BOOM!!! He pulled over to the shoulder and said “everybody out of the car now.” He jumped out of the car and ran back to get the kids out, but he found that they were already there. All three had jumped out the window before he could get to them, immediately after he said get out. The kids were all under 10 and obeyed without question and even suffered a few skinned hands and knees for it. As it was the battery did explode and the children would have been seriously injured or worse had they not displayed instant obedience. 
This is a little extreme I know, but how many of you want to know your kid will stop when you tell them to in a busy parking lot, or crossing the road, or even when your in a store and you say stay right with me, do you want to turn around and find your kid decided to stay back to look at something, no you want him right at your heels. Disaster happens in a split second, sometimes there’s no time for considering the repercussions.

Jungle Pop,

I’m like you.  I want my kids to obey and have a tendency to come down hard when they don’t.  But I think that is why God has given me a wife to balance my tendencies. 

When I am overreacting, she gives me the look and says, “Grace, grace!” to remind me to extend the grace that I’ve been given from my heavenly father.

They are just kids after all.

That being said, there is also a difference between childishness and willful disobedience (boy, it’s hard to tell the difference some times!), and you have to deal with each appropriately.

Still in the trenches, trying to figure it all out…

Boy, this is a tough area for me, as well!  I tend towards wanting instant obediance, too.

I don’t know HOW to reconcile the emergency situation, though.  Perhaps if we don’t get so angry, so fast, our kids WILL be able to pick up on the urgent and act appropriately.

The giving kids choices sounds kind of “Love and Logic” which is a good book.  I’d like to reread that one.

Also like (so far) “Keep the Siblings, Lose the Rivalry” which despite its title, is really just a great parenting book.

I love this posting.  My dad was very pro “negative reinforcement”.  The result was instant obedience.  Now that I’m a father, I’m trying other methods, but I often find myself frustrated when I don’t get that instant obedience that we all want.  I wasn’t a fan of counting either, but I do appreciate Dobeman’s comment about giving them a chance to make a good choice.  What I will add is that in those rare emergencies, my children have responded.  I guess it’s a distinction in my voice?  I have an infant, 16 month, and 3 year old.  So far so good, but maybe this will change as they get older.  I just have to find a way to be patient in those non-emergencies situations.