Dad to two, bio father to none, owner of 7 donor vials that could create life

As I have written here before, my children were conceived due to the “gift” of an anonymous donor who donated his sperm to a cryobank.  When my wife and I chose this donor we decided to buy 15 vials of his stuff from the bank ensuring we had enough as we expected that our road through infertility to be a long one.

As it turned out we used 5 vials between 3 failed DI intrauterine inseminations and the two successes we had resulted in our children.  We had 3 vials left at the two clinics we worked with but authorized these to be destroyed when we no longer could afford their storage fees.  At present we have 7 vials bought and paid for sitting back at the cryobank for which we continue to pay monthly storage fees.

For the last three years we have been paying these fees.  At first we thought to keep the vials until our daughter (the younger of our kids) turned one in case g-d forbid anything were to happen we could try for another child.  Then she turned two and now she’s three.  At this point we don’t plan for anymore children (mostly for financial reasons) and we admit to that.  She wants more always but reality is we want the best we can do for these two.

A few weeks ago I was contacted by another family interested in this same donor.  They tracked me down via our listing on the DSR.  They asked if we’d sell them the vials.  We at first thought they already had a child via this donor and they were trying for a full sibling.  Turns out they just liked this donor and wanted to switch to a new donor.  In the end before I gave them my decision they chose a third donor and thanked me for even considering the sale.  The sale.  I was asked to sell another man’s ability to create a child that I could not do.

Putting aside the ethical considerations of donor conception or maybe not, what right do I have to decide what to do with this sperm.  Yes I have the legal right as I own the stuff.  I could even authorize its destruction.  But I have the opportunity to allow other couples to have the joy of parenthood that I have with these children so I should sell it or give it away to those wanting it.  I can sell it back to the bank and receive 50% of what I paid and they can sell it.

If I sell the vials, and I expect we will, we plan to use the money to genetically test one vial to see what the donor’s genes have in store for our kids and maybe learn a few more things about the donor that the kids would not otherwise ever know which medically could even someday save their lives.  What right do I have to not give my children this opportunity, this information.

I am plagued by the “other hand” where selling the vials leads to (1) increased half siblings that otherwise would not exist diluting the uniqueness of my children – an admitted stupid concern (2) subjecting these unborn children to all the doubts and questions that donor conceived individuals face that I knew little about when my children were conceived which could cause them (the new children) a lifetime of questions and possible pain.

If we sell these remaining vials I am also amused by the fact that my decision / action could lead to news lives being born where again I biologically don’t have that actual ability.  I love my kids very much.  I hope if my decision leads to new half siblings that they have dads that will love them as much.