You are NOT over-reacting! Six is definitely too young for a sleep over and alcohol at a kid’s party is absolutely inappropriate!
I’m with your wife, though, on sleepovers being a part of growing up. I have great memories of many sleepovers, but they were all at homes where my parents knew the families (it’s not just the parents that can be coo coo, ya know!).
You maybe over-reacted in the whole “what if someone passes out” and what not, but the rest of your concerns are justified.
A-men.

I certainly feel alcohol is inappropriate when kids are involved. But I’ve also become more sensitive since my son’s birth. I would’ve turned around and left without so much as a good-bye.

There are environments to which I’d rather not expose my son, if I can help it. Someone has to be an adult.

Like Jared, I would have turned around and left without so much as a goodbye—and I wouldn’t ever take my kids back to that home, either.

I think that’s a total over reaction.  Why does alcohol at the gathering automatically mean people are getting plastered?  Lots of adults can enjoy a drink without getting so much as a buzz.  I think its a good sign that there were lots of parents there in the first place.

I had plenty of sleep overs and camping trips when I was around 6.  I don’t think thats unusual.

We let Clare sleep over at a friend’s house and she’s only five.  But it was just her and the friend and we knew the parents well.  I wouldn’t let her go to a group sleep over with people we didn’t know.

I don’t think you’re overreacting about the alcohol either.  It could be that it was just a couple beers for a couple people, but how were you to know.  Better to be safe than wonder what’s going on with the drinkers and the 6 year olds at the same birthday party.

I had a BBQ when our youngest turned 1, and among the beverages we had beer.  I think most of the parents had one or two.

Granted it wasn’t a sleepover and the party guests were all family or friends that I’ve had for upwards of 25 years (along with their own families). 

I think it’s all relative to the setting and the comfort level between the guests.

I believe you should always err on the side of caution when it comes to your children.  If there is a chance that someone can over drink, stay over and become a risk to one of my children in the night, that is a non-starter.

My wife and I at times tell our children…

“I know that Max’s parents allow him do “X” but we won’t because we don’t “Y” to happen.  You kids are too important to us and we don’t something to happen to you.”

Being a parent is tough at times and we should ensure our kids have a safe childhood.

My oldes is 4 so I haven’t had a ‘sleep over’ request yet.  We are french so not serving beer at a kid’s party would surely get us some remarks.  This being said, getting plasered at a kid’s party would also get the individual in trouble. 

I think it’s over reacting to turn away but there might be large cultural differences.

More importantly is the fact you didn’t know these people.  On that note, eering on the side of caution is surely the best decision a dad can take.

Sounds like an overreaction on all fronts. 

I assume the sleepover invite was from an appropriate source (playgroup, school/preschool, neighbor, church, etc.) and not an inappropriate source (complete stranger, Michael Jackson).  If you don’t know or don’t trust the people sending the invite, just politely decline.  You said you didn’t know the parents well, so why would they invite your child?  Maybe they’re inviting other people you know and didn’t want to exclude your child.

Also, wrt. to alcohol being present at a kid’s party, is there something intrinsically wrong with alcohol?  Most adults are capable of enjoying a drink without getting drunk or creating an environment inappropriate for children.

The trend in parenting seems to be overly cautious these days; I’m certainly more restrictive of my kids than my parents were of me.  However, I would prefer that my child learn how to deal with the occasional bad situation (for example, parent getting drunk at a party) rather than be unprepared for life as they get older because I was padding the world for them.

I would have to say you are not overreacting so far as the alcohol consumption goes. If someone invites children to their house for a sleepover, and I’m assuming the children’s parents were not invited to sleep over as well, then those children are being entrusted to their care. I would never entrust my children to someone who was drinking - even if it’s only one glass of wine. Regardless it can still impair judgement and it should not have been going on during a sleepover. However if it was a party that was over in a few hours and the parents stayed then each individual parent could decide for themselves how they wanted to be while with the kids. I’m not sure if I’m making sense on this.

As far as the sleepover goes - I don’t base sleepovers on age. I base it on my individual child’s maturity and ability to handle a night without mommy and daddy. And most importantly I base it on the trust I have of the adults I’m leaving my child in the care of.

I have to agree with Willie - that would be the end of my child being at that home unless I got to know the family ALOT better.

While some people can consume beer and other beverages without a problem, it’s not something I want my son to do. By staying at the party and allowing him to see it, it says to him that I am okay with the behavior - and I’m not.

As an aside, there are an estimated 10.4 million alcholics in the U.S. - that’s 1 in 23 adults. While that isn’t even close to denying that most adults can handle it, it’s still too risky for my child.

I’ll agree that children need to learn to deal with bad situations, but 6 is to young to be learning to deal withthe potential situation that could arise.