We just got back from vacation- a week down in Austin with my dad and step mom.  I could spend time recapping the trip, but I think that’d be boring.  I wanted to talk about father-child relationships.  I come from a “broken home”; my parents divorced when I was 8 and my dad moved to Texas when I was 12.  Over the last 20 years I’ve made 6 trips now.  Two trips came when I was 12 and 13...the third, after my dad’s heart attack when I was 24.  The fourth came a year or so later, and the last 2 have been in the past 6 months. 

My dad’s and my relationship has been rocky...though lately, better.  What changed?  Simply, Kaelyn did.  I think we both realized we could try harder, and have.  Our relationship is the strongest it’s been.

First, I apologize for not posting the past 2 months.  I had a death in the family, was sick for 6 weeks (no really, I was- and it sucked)- it’s been a bit crazy around the “cubicle”.  Since moving and starting my new job...I’ve been working a little more, and having less time to do things I enjoy...like blogging, home brewing and watching the Bulls- though they give me enough reason to not watch.  I choose instead to spend time with “my ladies”.  That and I’ve been in a “rut”...not knowing what to blog about...feeling instead of posting about how busy I am that nothing was better.

But I have to talk about this...to seek advice, to vent, to let it all out.  Not because I’m frustrated, well maybe a little...but mostly because it’s freaking funny.  I’ve written about my daughter going through her terrible two’s a couple of times.  I’d link to other entries, but I’m lazy.  No, tired (for reasons listed above).  RM’s (short for rug monkey) Toddlerzilla act has evolved, seemingly overnight, into something more dastardly...the Back-talk Monster!!!  (Cue screams, and dramatic music)

The “terrible two” tantrums have become more shorter in length...still funny...but shorter.  They’ve been replaced with the back talk.  Oh sure, I know it’s only the beginning...she hits 13, and look out.  The back talk is a little frustrating, but harder to not laugh at...the thinking is, laughing reinforces back talk, so don’t do it.  Instead we each put on our best poker face.  Which confuses me, how does my kid have a poker face?  And know how to play poker?  Who has she been hanging out with? 

We stare each other down...me: “please stop playing with your food, and eat...please.”
Her: “no.”
Me:  “sweetie...it’s not play time.  please finish your dinner.”
Her (headshake, funny angry look):  “no.”
Me:  “(Full name), stop pretending your corn-filled spoon is an airplane crashing into your hair.  Please eat.  Stop painting the table with your mashed potatoes!”
Her:  “uhhhnnnn. no”

This continues until we reach “the choice"..."do this or you go in timeout”.  Which inevitably ends in...yep, you guessed it, time out.  My daughter and the time out chair seem to have bonded...she visits daily...multiple times some days.

RMs reaction is comedy gold!  It’s really not her response...more her tone/ inflection, and facial expressions.  It’s extremely hard to keep a straight face, let alone trying to reason with her. It’s like toddler debate really, and to be safe...9 times out of ten...plan on losing.  Atleast I do...helps keep things in perspective. 

Anyone else dealt with the back-talk monster?  Any tips?  Stories?

In the grand scheme of my family...I know I’m outnumbered 2-1...I’m quickly learning to choose my battles, to take a stand, and when to run and find a safe place.

If you’ve traveled with a toddler, raise your hand.  Ok…since I can’t if anyone actually has raised their hand, I’ll assume there’s a fair number who have.  In actuality, that’s not the main topic of this post…I was just curious really.

We’ve flown twice now with rug monkey, and really without incident.  The most recent trip was to Austin, TX to visit with my dad and step mom…who we typically see once a year at Father’s Day.

Now being pro’s at the flying thing, we were ready.  Instead of rug monkey’s DVD layer with the craptastic battery, we took my wife’s laptop for DVD viewing.  We took more snacks, coloring books, and less toys.  I mean, it was a 2 hour flight…even I, with the worlds shortest attention span, wouldn’t have noticed or cared much.

Saturday, we got to the airport at 6-ish…I really don’t remember because I was tired, out of it (no coffee yet) and stressed.  Would monkey behave?  Would we have a plane full of people ready to jettison us out of the emergency exit?  Or would it be uneventful.

We boarded a smaller plane, actually the big brother of the plane I took to Lexington last month.  THAT plane was tiny…fat guy and a little plane.  You know you have a small plane when they start shifting people around to balance the weight.  You know it’s a small plane when the pilot stares you down, covers his face and begins to sob.  THIS plane was ok…for a few minutes I thought for sure I’d have an open seat next to me.  Great news for a fat guy, and would give us an alternate seat for monkey.  Alas, no…seconds before the door closed, a rather large French woman boarded and looked hungrily at the empty seat next to me.

After a couple minutes, and assistance from the flight attendant, we were wedged into our row and ready to fly.  My wife looked at me about 20 minutes into the flight and asked why I was leaning across the aisle towards her.  I had no room…Frenchie claimed more than her fair share of the space, and I was left with the table scraps.  Other than that, and a few bumps from the flight attendant and beverage cart, we had a smooth flight…though the plane did lean to the left a little.  I blame Frenchie.

The day and a half visit was fun.  It was nice seeing my dad, and he and my step mom both enjoyed seeing monkey.

Monday…we awoke at 4am!!!  NO where near sunrise, well after sunset...when you’re supposed to be sleeping!  Our flight left at 6:45am…and monkey slept most of the flight home.  This go around, I had a cocky skinny dude in the seat next me…who eyed me and realized he got stuck next to the fat guy.

After we landed, we walked clear across OHare to get to the baggage claim…the pilot sent word of the fat guy and United decided to make the big man walk some…walk it off fatty!!!  Anyway, we got our bag, got monkey and Spamilla a cab, and I headed to work via the train.

It was a fun trip, though short.  So if you are planning to fly with your kids…lay off the cheeseburgers.  And if you’re a bigger guy, wear elbow pads.

Thursday night we attended my wife’s White Coat Ceremony for Pharmacy school at UIC.  A month ago, hell a couple of weeks ago, I had no idea what that was.  It was described to students as the “commencement” of their professional school lives.  They spoke of what the Pharmacist’s coat symbolized, and how hard these 4 years will be for them.  For friends and family, it’s a chance to celebrate the achievement of starting down this path.

I am proud of what my wife has done to get here...working full time, going to school, studying, applying, interviewing, and take care of us.  I’m taken a back a bit because that’s a lot.  I’m a handful for my wife of on my own, nothing bad I suppose I’m a big kid in a way.  But add in our toddler and that would seem enough...it would be for some people.  But she’s tackled it all with flying colors.  I honestly don’t know where she finds the energy.

I am proud of her for making it this far, for being brave enough to go after what she wants.  She says she is doing this for all of us, not just for her.  Sure these next 4 years will be long and rough at times...but it will be an experience to remember.  One we’ll share as a family.

I thought I’d share a few photos from last night.  My father-in-law had the “real” camera, and as the proud Papa...he should.  I had my cell phone...so I apologize for the pics now.Click here to see them.

Like I said, I had no idea what this ceremony was all about until Thursday night while sitting there holding my daughter watching “momma”; clapping for her and her new clasmates as they each received their coats.  It now feels real...this part of our life has begun, and it’s sure to be interesting.

I think things are returning to normal for us.  A new normal, since moving home to Chicago, everything has that “new car” smell to it.  My new job, new commute, my daughter’s new daycare, our home all are great.  Besides the commute, my biggest adjustment is my work schedule.  I start a half an hour later at 8:30am, and well…stay a half an hour later, 5:30pm- ish.  When you add my commute time in…45 minutes via walking, and the Blue Line or driving…I’m home around 6-6:30pm nightly.  Not a big deal right?  Except in Champaign I used to pick up our daughter…now my father-in-law or my wife does.  I haven’t met my daughter’s afternoon teacher- and it’s been 2-1/2 weeks.

I have had the opportunity to drop her off though.  And by the look of things, once my wife starts classes, I’ll be dropping our daughter off every day.  And so far…it has been fun.  She cries, screams, and does what she can to keep me there longer.  Like screaming, “BOOGIE!!!”, or, “EYES!!!” (tears…), and then asking for extra hugs and kisses.  I don’t mind hanging around…but I feel in doing so I make things worse.  That when I do leave, she’ll be really upset.  Yes, I know that 5 minutes after I leave she’s fine…running around playing, etc.  But it is still tough.

It feels like I’ve gotten the short end of the stick…my last impression for the morning is her freaking out that I’m leaving her there…and how dare I do so.  I miss seeing her squeal with glee when I pick her up.  And after typing that I realize that sounds a bit jealous.

Last week while on the train I thought about all of this.  Could one of us stay home with her?  Could I stay home?  Is it really feasible financially?  In reality…no, it isn’t.  Not while my wife is in school.  We can’t afford to not have me working full-time.  In 4 years after she graduates possibly; but by then “the rug monkey” will be 6-1/2 and in school. 

So it seems I’m going to have to make due, and get used to this change.  Is it really that bad having to drop her off?  She’ll adjust, and in no time will want me to leave.  With my father-in-law picking her up, she gets to spend time with grandpa and there’s nothing wrong with that.  Spending time with more family is always a plus right?  And who knows...maybe I’ll be able to telecommute once in a while.  My boss and I are looking into getting me a laptop, so I’d be able to just that.

All in all, in the grand scheme of things...this isn’t a huge issue.