I’m writing this entry while looking from our hotel room balcony at the beautiful breaking surf of Atlantic Beach, NC. My wife, Carmi, is attending a paralegal seminar here. Eliana and I just couldn’t bear the thought of mommy being alone for three days so we tagged along to keep her company.

I was able to spend all day yesterday (Friday) with our daughter because Carmi was busy with meetings and classes from 7:30 until 5:30. Our day got off to a slamming start.

I rolled out of bed about the time that Carmi left the room. The first order of the day, as always, was to go online to check email and then shave and dress. Eliana was already dressed and READY to go to the beach!

Once dressed, I wanted to go online again before breakfast and check on some attractions in the area that might interest a 4-year-old. I tried and tried and tried but was unable to connect with the wireless network. Horror! So off we flew to the front desk to inquire about the situation. There was no one behind the desk but a lady attending the seminar had her laptop open and I asked her if she was online. She had been but was kicked off a while ago so I knew that the problem wasn’t with my computer. About that time, a guy came out of the office and said the ‘problem’ was on their end and that their network people were going to reset the server and we should be back online in 5 minutes or so. I was satisfied with that so Eliana and I went to the hotel restaurant for eats.

We were seated in the restaurant and after placing our order, Eliana said she needed to go potty. Crud. I told the lady responsible for seating people that we were going to the bathroom and to tell our waitress that we would be right back. She pointed us to a men’s room just around the corner so we ducked in and fortunately no one else was using the facilities. However, it was evident that someone HAD preceded us because a foul odor smacked our faces as soon as we walked in. Eliana picked up on the scent rather quickly and was quite vocal with her dissatisfaction. When I placed her on the toilet, she looked up at me with a very serious look on her wrinkled face and said, “Daddy, don’t EVER take me in the boy’s potty again!”.

Music is a passion of mine.

Gospel music has been a part of my life for 25 years. As a (very) young adult, I dreamed of having a group that would travel and sing. In 1996, that dream became a reality when I pulled together one other man and two women from my home church and formed a mixed quartet.

We started out singing locally and within a year were branching out to neighboring towns. I created a website that became quite popular and used the website as our primary marketing tool. We recorded several projects at a professional studio and our music was being played on radio stations around the country. Every day I was consumed with ‘growing’ the group and doing whatever I could to keep our name in front of the necessary people.

Over the next several years, singers in the group would come and go but I pressed on. In 2002, I purchased a 40’ Eagle bus that had been used by a tour company down in Florida. The bus was stripped bare inside and converted into an entertainer coach with couches, television, stereo, dinette table, kitchen, bunks and a toilet.

Oh, she was a cozy home away from home and quite necessary as 2003 would be a very busy year. We didn’t sing much at all in January or December. However, in the ten months sandwiched between, we traveled to 20 states and presented 135 concerts which was an average of 3 concerts every weekend. We were just scratching the surface and all of us wanted to travel and sing more. But something was gnawing at me…

In late October of 2002, Carmi and I flew half-way around the world to China and brought our beautiful 8-month old daughter home. There were occasions in 2003 when Carmi and Eliana would travel with us. Eliana loved it but Carmi basically had to take care of our little girl by herself because I was so busy driving, loading and unloading equipment, setting up, singing and networking. I was working it!

While Carmi supported me, she said it would be much easier to care for Eliana in the comfort of our home instead of on a bus bouncing down the interstate 600 miles away. Besides, truck stops didn’t have changing tables in the bathrooms. Who could argue with that? So they stayed home.

There were some Friday nights that we needed to leave town at midnight because of the distance to our Saturday concert. Several times I remember walking into Eliana’s room an hour or two after putting her to bed. I would stare at her as she slept so comfortably and breathed so rhythmically, stroke her soft face and just cry my eyes out because I wouldn’t see her again until Monday morning.

What was going on here? I worked for years to get my group to this point. We were successful! We were on the verge of ‘making it’ and possibly becoming a full-time ministry! And yet...I was miserable.

There was a picture of Carmi and Eliana on the bunk wall next to my pillow on the bus. I would stare at it all weekend and my heart ached to be with them at the park, eating Sunday lunch at Mom’s after church or even walking the aisles of Wal-Mart.

By the end of 2004, I made one of the toughest – and at the same time, one of the easiest - decisions of my life. I would place MY dream on hold for the privilege of watching my little girl grow up. You know what? I don’t regret that decision for a single minute. Was it a sacrifice? You bet! My mind still drifts back to 2003 whenever I catch a whiff of diesel fuel. But how much more would I have sacrificed if I weren’t home where I belong?

Dads, there is something to be said about keeping our priorities in order.

I can sing again but my little girl will not be ‘little’ forever.

“It takes a man to be a dad”.

I’m sure you’ve heard that concluding tagline in some great Public Service Announcements aired on television by The Ad Council and the National Fatherhood Initiative promoting the importance of involved fatherhood.

One of my favorites shows a father “letting loose” in a living room dance routine with his elementary school-aged daughter.

“It takes a man to be a dad”.

Those words echoed in my head like church chimes on September 24. That’s the day I visited the TicketMaster website and, with one final click of the mouse, ordered three tickets for my family to see The Wiggles in Greenville, SC on Friday, November 18.

Never in my life had I been to a concert. I came of age back in “the day” rockin’ to great groups like Boston, Journey, 38-Special, Foreigner, Bon Jovi and Van Halen when David Lee Roth was still the front man. Their albums held a prominent place in my musical collection and I could sing along to their classic songs without missing a word. Yet not once did I experience the thrill of a live show as had so many of my friends.

So here I was, at the age of 42, standing outside a huge venue in a chilly wind and methodically inching my way to a ticket receiver standing at the front door. Once inside, we waded through a thick soup of humanity until finally finding our section, then our row and then our assigned seats. Soon after, the lights dimmed and everyone erupted with applause as our fab four – Anthony, Murray, Jeff and Sam – bounded onto the stage. They worked the crowd into a frenzy with favorites like “Big Red Car”, “Fruit Salad”, “Hot Potato” and the ever popular “Zing Zang Wing Wang Wong”. Eliana jumped up and down and laughed and sang like so many other children.

I couldn’t help but smile when I realized that I was attending my first concert with my daughter.

Sunday was a blur.

With the exception of a short 1-1/2 hour span of time in the middle of the afternoon, my duty as interim Worship Leader required me to be at church from 7:30 am until 7:30 pm. This was an exception rather than the rule because we were presenting a special Holiday program at 6:00 pm and final preparations were made between the morning and evening services.

Because of the day’s schedule, I was not able to spend any quality time with my little girl. She stayed at Mom’s house after the traditional Sunday lunch and was “supposedly” napping during my free time so I was quite ready to see her and get some lovin’ when the final “amen” was pronounced.

The three of us grabbed a quick meal once the service was over and then headed to Kohl’s Department Store for my wife to shop. At some point, Carmi was off doing her thing while Eliana and I were left to wander aimlessly by ourselves.

As we walked and made light-hearted conversation, she reached up and grabbed my hand. Almost at the exact same moment, I looked at her and asked, “Can I tell you a secret?”.

Eliana loves secrets. She gets all “giddy” when a secret is about. So there was no surprise when she looked up wide-eyed with anticipation and nodded her head while saying, “Yeah!”.

I leaned down and whispered, “I love you…”.

If only you could have seen her reaction. It was priceless.

Do you remember the Cheshire Cat in Alice In Wonderland? Sporting a huge grin that imitated this fictional character perfectly, she shot a look my way and her beautiful brown eyes just sparkled as she replied matter-of-factly, “Awwwww…that’s no secret!”.

Some secrets just aren’t made to be kept.