As Zach Johnson was being interviewed following his improbable win in the Masters golf tournament the first weekend of April, someone asked him if he knew that his life would be forever changed by his victory. His response was something along the lines of he didn’t think so and was certain his son (who is 14 weeks old) wouldn’t notice. While he might of been remarking on his son’s youth and inability to see that his dad had achieved something remarkable, I think he was saying something much deeper and more important.

Johnson had already mentioned in an earlier interview that he was a Christian and that Jesus had been with him through the round. Obviously, his identity as a Christian is important to him and he is not afraid to say so.

But by making the remark about his son, I believe Johnson was saying something that all of us fathers need to remember: no matter what we may achieve in our respective professions that won’t matter to our wives or our kids as much as how much we love them. No matter what I achieve either personally or professionally, it cannot change the fact that my wife and kids love me. They love me not because of what I can do or have done but because of who I am in Christ.

Men, our tendency is to allow our identities be defined by what we accomplish. My prayer is that we can see that who we are in Christ and as husbands and fathers matters much more than anything we can achieve. That includes winning golf tournaments.

My daughter was invited to her first sleepover last month. She’s only six. I’m not in favor of sleepovers to begin with, but isn’t six too young for a sleepover? I’m not sure what the right age is for sleepovers, but I think six is definitely too young. If it were up to me, it would be never. I think there’s too many sicko’s out there and you can’t be absolutely certain just by talking to someone.

I said no to the sleepover. My wife, who thinks sleepovers are part of growing up, actually agreed with me because we didn’t know the parents who were hosting the sleepover. We have never even talked to them before the invite and our kids have never been on a play date together. The sleepover was actually part of a birthday party. Personally, I think the parents should have talked to us first before sending a sleepover invite card. Now, we are the bad guys for saying no.

My wife took our daughter over for the birthday portion of the party. When my wife was there, she was surprised to see a bunch of adults drinking beer at the sleepover-birthday party. We have been to parties where there have been booze, adults, and kids. But until now, we have never been to a kid’s birthday party where they serve beer. Maybe I’m wrong here, but isn’t the party suppose to be about kids having fun and not about adults getting plastered? Can’t people go without booze for two hours? Is that asking for too much?

So, what happens if someone drinks too much beer at the party? Hopefully, if that happens, someone drives the intoxicated person home. But what if the person passes out during the party and they can’t wake him? Do they carry him out and take him home? Or do they let him sleep it off? What if they let him sleep it off and he wakes up in the middle of the night still intoxicated? Ideally, nothing bad will happen, but I wouldn’t want my daughter around.

I might be over-reacting here and I know that since I have become a dad, I tend to be more a pessimist than an optimist. However, I still can’t help but think there’s something wrong with having booze at a kids sleepover. Am I over-reacting or am I justified in my concerns?

So I am in a funk!

My lovely wife is off to work for the last day of her week off from school. She is a 5th grade teacher. So with that said I am at home feeling sick and typing on the computer. Which also leaves the girls “Hangin’ with Mr. Baba” at home. Did I mention I was sick. My nose is stuffy my head feels HUGE and my eyes will not stop the profuse waterfall that they started early last night. Here I sit with a sleepless night and two little girls playing behind me, as I type this post.
I know that all of the dads that read this will give at least a little bit of sympathy. But not one Mom! Why? Well Moms have to deal with situations like this on a daily basis! Yes Ladies I feel for all of you all of the time. Or better yet I have the upmost respect for you that you are able to deal with being sick, taking care of the kids, and then, even then, you can manage to take care of the house! WOW!  Not sure how you can do this as I am going stir-crazy at this moment in time and my head is still pounding.

Well I do have a Doctor appointment later in the day but boy that is a long time away.

So until then I look behind me and see two of the best little girls in the world playing very well and then I see the sea of items on the floor! Knowing that they will clean up their mess but it will take a small amount of pushing from me to get it done.

Head still pounding!

So in closing, Thanks to the Moms, and the stay at home Dads, that do this exact thing, day in and day out!

WTG!!

Ah...ah...ah...Choo...!
Sniff!!
Ouch!

EDIT: Dr. says I have a start of an ear infection & Pink eye! WooHoo!! NOT!

*I did an interview for American Baby Magazine regarding our parenting technique. We are the only ones in the article that spank. Unforunately, they describe me as ‘pro-spanking’ and (as expected) is a little out of context and makes me sound like a freak. I would say, more acurately, that I simply believe that spanking is effective when used properly. Click here to read it.*

After having two kids, and with one more on the way, I have been thinking again. One huge lesson that shocked me into reality was how much of my children’s future depends on what I do with them in their formative years. It scares me to realize that most of who they are—disposition, learning capacity, emotional strength, personality etc.—is determined by the time they are FIVE years old! That doesn’t mean that things are set in stone from that point forward, but it does mean that we need to live with a constant sense of urgency. We need to make our best efforts in those prime years to raise the next generation to be ready for life. We need to use those years to our, and ultimately their, advantage. But as I have observed, and spoken to, many families I have come to realize another disturbing truth. Just because someone is a parent doesn’t mean they are parenting.

Have you observed this as well? You’re in a restaurant and the three year old at the table next to you is screaming uncontrollably, tears and all. The parents apply a systematic approach. They plea, “Do you want your toy?” More screaming. They move on to, “Do you want your juice?” Still more screaming. They beg, “How about a cookie?” More screaming with the added bonus of the above items becoming airborne. And then they lay down the law, “If you don’t stop we’re going to leave the restaraunt!” Or maybe you’ve seen the child coming out of Target as you’re going in. He’s flailing about yelling, “I hate you!” because he hasn’t gotten the toy he wanted. One of my favorites was when I saw a child being very disrespectful to his mother. After being told and warned several times she finally responded with, “That’s it! No ice cream for a month!”

Sadly, these situations are all too common. In fact, they are more common than not. And what makes matters worse is these approaches are not effective and are very unhealthy. I love my children enough to nurture them, but to also discipline them effectively. I want them to be ready for life because life is not easy…

A child needs structure and discipline that is consistent and clearly defined. They need to be able to predict the outcome of their actions, both positive and negative. Also, those consequences need to make sense. A child doesn’t care if you leave a restaurant. And when you give them that kind of control you’ve already lost. Talking back should have immediate, severe consequences. And taking away ice cream for a month? That’s a joke and not an effective consequence for not listening. A child will never respect a parent that ‘dishes’ out these kinds of consequences. I think there are many affective ways to deal with these situations. They may sound old-school but they are effective: rude words=soap in mouth, blatant defiance and screaming=spank (That’s right! I said it…take them out to the car and deal with their defiance. Afterwards, make sure to embrace them and tell them how much you love them.)

I don’t claim to be an expert but I have read thousands of pages on parenting because I desperately desire to do a good job. If you are a parent please put a plan together and make sure mom and dad are on the same page. Becoming a parent is a natural process but parenting doesn’t come naturally. It is hard work and you will not always see the results of your efforts. But children need to be nurtured and effectively disciplined. It is not enough to ‘wing-it’ as a parent. Remember, you are trusted by God with shaping this individual into the person they will become. And who they become will be largely based on how they grow up. Just think about yourself and your past. For the sake of your kids do some reading and ask some people you respect.

Let me be perfectly clear, if you are a parent you have to…parent.

I am a selfish person and that was never more evident by my lack of desire to have children.  Up until about five years ago I did not want to have kids because I was afraid of how it would impact my life.  My wife, however, REALLY wanted kids so I decided it was something that I was willing to do.

Now that we have two boys, I have learned there is a level of love out there like no other. You hear people talk about loving their kids but until I had mine, I couldn’t imagine what that love was like.  And since selfishness is basically loving oneself more than others, once I had kids, there is no way I could love myself more than I love my kids, so a lot of my selfishness went right out the window.

Once an avid golfer, I hardly play.  Once a frequent movie goer, I hardly go now.  These things take time away from my children.

A change in priorities hasn’t been more evident than over the past few months and weeks. I have been facing the elimination of my current job and recently took a new job that starts next week.  This new job is a much longer commute, and the one thought I can’t get out of my head is that I’m going to miss out on things like a soccer practice or a music class with my sons because I’m stuck in traffic.  I really want to be there for everything.

Now on top of my job situation, my wife recently learned that she might be losing her job.  Once again, my thoughts went to how this would affect my boys.  She gets to work from home and can basically set her schedule as to when she goes into the office.  Impromptu trips to the zoo or museum are a regularoccurrence and doctor appointments are easily managed.  Plus there’s the obvious that she gets to be with the boys the majority of the time which is important to both of us.

If we really needed it, she could go out and get a job that pays two or three times what she is making right now, but this job allows her a good deal of flexibility.  We have even been considering her not working at all but then the concerns of not being able to provide some of the things we’ve been planning (private school, music lessons, etc.) pop into my mind.

I suppose I haven’t lost all of my selfishness.  I selfishly want the best for my sons.  Sometimes, I hope, being selfish isn’t a bad thing.