“But I want to sit next to Daddy!,” my little girl cries out at the dinner table.

It is dinnertime at the Okapi household and I am sitting next to Elijah while Gem is next to Jordyn.

“But I want to sit next to yooooooooooooooooooooooouuuuuu, Daddy. Yooouuu!” In case we somehow didn’t hear her the first time.

I am experiencing something I never thought possible.  I have written several articles about the “Mommy Do It” phase, but I never believed I would ever experience a “Daddy Do It” phase. Yet here I am. Being on the other side of this issue definitely feels strange to me.

I have heard mothers talk about the pressures they experience during the “Mommy Do It” phase, but now I really understand. Jordyn only wants me to sit next to her at dinner time. She only wants me to put her to bed. She wants me almost all of the time.

On the one hand it is one of the most delicious feelings in the entire world. To be so loved by someone, to be so important, to receive the gifts of affection and love she so willingly gives is...well, it is like a miracle for me really.

But on the other hand, I am so scared of doing something to hurt her because her love and trust in me is so enormous. I’m afraid I have too much power with her and that is a bit terrifying. In addition, there are times when she is so focused on me that she ignores or is rude to Gem and that is not acceptable.

“Jordyn I sit next you every night and I want to sit next to Elijah, too,” I try to reason with my crying daughter.

“But I want you to sit next to meeeeeeeeee,” she says. At least we can’t say she is easily distracted.

“You’re not being very nice to me, Jordyn,” Gem tells our daughter, reminding me that this is not just about me and Jordyn, but this affects Gem, too.

I had gotten so used to being the one who was ignored or brushed aside when they were toddlers, that I find myself a little overwhelmed with my new position, new role in my daughter’s life. I am so flattered, so awed by the entire experience, that I forgot how this must impact Gem. She feels the same way I did and she deserves my support the way she supported me.

But the most impacting part for me is something I have struggled putting into words. There are times when my little girl looks at me and her expression is unlike anything I have ever seen. She will reach out and rub my back with her little hand and look at me as if her world revolves around my existence, as if she could survive off my presence, as if I could never do anything wrong in her eyes. She doesn’t know I make mistakes every single day, that I am not perfect. It is a look that is so powerful, so filled with the magnitude of her emotional life hanging in the balance, so overwhelming that sometimes I wonder if maybe I should back away, give her some space from me, before I let her down.

But I know that is my own fear, my own issues, and I do my best to shake them off. She deserves better than that and certainly deserves more from me, her Daddy. I am doing my best to give it to her.

Please don’t get me wrong, I would take Daddy Do It over Mommy Do It any day of the week and twice on the weekends when I am home all of the time.

But just like for Mommies, it is not easy for me either, though it is one of the best feelings I have ever felt.

We all have to admit that sometimes we buy toys for our kids because we want to play with the toys we buy.

For each of the last few years that I have attended the Annual Toy Fair held here in NYC I have had my eye on a multi-level desk top model train system (XTS by Basic Plus).  I don’t think I ever really thought about it being my son’s. I wanted it for me.  Well this year I bought it and threw the unopened box up on a shelf in my closet figuring someday I’d bring it to work and set it up on the windowsill and boy would that look cool.

Let’s just say the world has a way of throwing itself back into balance when a toy exists in a house and children have not yet laid claim to that toy. I was searching through my closet for something my wife wanted and several boxes and bags got moved around. I asked my wife to put the train set on top of a bureau so the kids would not see it at their eye level. She never got around to it and while now sitting at my desk in the living room the soon to be 5 year old comes running out with my train set.

When I tried to reclaim it my wife took his side stating she thought it was always meant for him anyway. Whoah there little lady that was my set.  She gave me a look that asked how old I was and I was then shamed into setting up the set not in my office but in my son’s room at table his height even though the box read that the set was recommended for children two years older than he.

I tried to convince him his Geotrax were cooler and could work at elevations higher than this set but at that point I had lost all control and my toy was no longer mine but was my children’s.

At least they let me play with it.

The subject of siblings has come up in different forums lately and it just happens I was in NYC for 2 days with my own brother and another business partner.

The question I have been hearing is how come some people are close to their siblings and some not.  Furthermore, how does it apply to my own kids?

Personally, I think going through an ‘imperfect’ house with a father with a drinking problem seemed to have made us closer then many other siblings I have met.  Adversity and a feeling of ‘knowing’ seemed to have made the difference for us.

I have 2 brothers 4 and 5 years older than me and a sister that is 11 years younger than me (same parents) I am involved in 4 different business’ and they are all business partners and good friends.  Quite frankly I think I could call any of them if I am stuck in a foreign prison.  Yes I know I am lucky.

How do I create the same bond with my 2 kids (without the drinking!)?  I suppose with love and affection and doing stuff together but I don’t think it beats facing adversity.

What have you experienced?

We hear it a lot these days from friends, family and co-workers…"when are you going to have another kid?” With our daughter, a toddler in her “terrible twos” (Which are more funny than frustrating) evolving into quite the little person- I sometimes wonder if and when we’ll have another child.  And believe me, I can sit up nights, or talk my wife’s ear off when I wonder or worry.

We both work full time, plus my wife is also going to school- taking classes to get ready for whichever Pharmacy Grad program lets her in.  And this past month into next, while we wait for word from the 4 programs she applied for, we’ve talked about having another child.  We both want to give our daughter a little brother or sister.  Though after we look where we’re at I’m not sure it will happen anytime soon.

If my wife gets in to a Pharm-D program, we’ll be looking at her being in school for 4 years.  Ok, yeah…it’s not that long.  We could have a child while she’s in school but I think it’d be too difficult.  Money will be tight…she’ll be working less and I’ll be working a bit more to try to make up the difference.

Ok, so let’s say we wait until she’s done, I mean it’s not that far off.  Four years from now our daughter will be 6, I’ll be 36, and my wife 32.  But we’ll have packed on 4 more years of student loans, on top of my gargantuan amount.  My wife will be starting a new career, if we move…we’d have all of that to look forward to as well.

I also worry if our next child would be “ok”.  Our daughter was born with a heart defect; had open heart surgery 2 days after she was born.  She is doing fabulously now.  In our last follow up appointment with her cardiologist we discussed having more children, and there’s a chance that any future children would have a defect as well.  I don’t wish that on anyone…the defect, the surgery, or watching your child or any loved one go through that.

As you can see I think about this way too much sometimes- ok, I’ve dwelled on it a bit.  Though I’ve finally been able to come to a place where I’ll let life happen.  Whatever happens, we’ll find a way to make it work.  From our 2 years together as a family I’ve learned that as long as we’re together, we can handle it.  So to answer everyone’s question…yes, we will have another child…whenever life steps in and makes it happen.

I have three children. The youngest is 19 months old and because she’s the youngest, she receives a lot of attention from relatives and friends. But when it comes to daddy time, she doesn’t seem to get her fair share. Sometimes, I even call her “little orphan” because she’s the kid I spend the least time with, the one I know the least. At times, she’s essentially fatherless.

This isn’t the case with my two oldest kids. I’ve spent significant amount of time with both of them. The oldest child is six and she had mommy and daddy all to herself for the first three years of her life. She’s in the first grade now and spends most of her time doing schoolwork or playing with her friends. We don’t spend much one-on-one time together now. But I don’t really feel bad about that because, like I said before, she had mommy and daddy all to herself for three years.

My son, who is three, monopolizes most of my free time now. He’s the first to wake up, so he gets me to himself for one to two hours in the morning. When my wife tucks in the youngest child around lunch time, I spend another 30 minutes with my son (I’m a work at home dad). At the end of the day, my son wants me to tuck him, so he has me to himself for another hour at night.

When I do spend time with my youngest daughter, it’s usually with all three kids together...family time. Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with family time, but I rarely get to spend one-on-one time with my youngest daughter. I want to change that and here are some options I am considering.

1. Wait until my son is old enough for school, then my youngest will have mommy and daddy all to herself. A problem with this option is that kindergarten is 18 months away. In addition, it’s during work hours and kindergarten is only two and a half hours a day in our school district.
2. Tuck in the youngest child. I would love to tuck in my little girl. The biggest problem is that I’m not exactly her favorite parent at night. It would take me about two hours to tuck her in and it won’t be a pleasant experience because she will be crying for the entire two hours (based on previous experience when my wife was out of town). This is not the type of one-on-one time I was thinking of.
3. Plan one-on-one time with each child. This is an attractive option and gives me special time with each of my kids. However, my biggest reservation is that by spending time with each child individually, I’m reducing the time we spend together as a family. In addition, it’s one thing for me to spend time with just my son when he’s the only one awake. It’s a completely different story when I’m purposely excluding the other two kids.

So, what should I do? What do other parents do?